Yet I Will Praise You

It seems the past few days have really been an inspiriation and invitation to enter more deeply into our Lord's passion and resurrection as well as what He asks of us, His disciples.

Friday we celebrated the Feast of the Triumph of the Cross, yesterday we celebrated the memorial of Our Lady of Sorrows and in today's gospel (Mark 8:27-35) Jesus says to His followers that following Him entails a personal knowledge of him plus a giving of one's self in order to "take up your cross and follow me".

What seems to be sticking out for me is the idea of suffering as necessary, suffering as meaningful and something that reflects God. 

"God manifests Himself in the beauty of creation and in the midst of human darkness when it is assumed.  We cannot dismiss either one.  The praise of God can burst forth as much from contemplating the admirable order of creation as from the depths of human suffering.."(Matura, p.132) 

In creating this collage I was reflecting on what may seem a crazy idea to some - that God is manifested and beautiful just as much in suffering as in the beauty of the nature around us. I must admit that is hard to completely understand as the beauty of creation is something that deeply moves me and  I haven't related that to my experience with suffering before.
Fr. Andrew pointed out in his homily this morning - Jesus asks us to answer the personal question: "Who do YOU say that I AM?" and if we believe He is the Messiah, our Lord and Savior then it behooves us to "take up our cross", accept His teachings and follow Him - even if that means it will not always be fun, pretty or easy.  This goes against the prevalent hedonism of our time.

Yesterday, Fr. Wilbert spoke about Mary's suffering, her sorrows in walking with her son through His life (have you seen the 7 seven sorrows of Mary before?).  He reminded us that we do indeed know what suffering is, even if it's not to the degree of our Mother Mary or our neighbours in war-torn countries or other grave situations that our brothers and sisters face everyday, around the world.  Despite what our sufferings are, we are invited to unite them with the sufferings of our Lord and we are encouraged to not lose HOPE, like Mary never lost hope.  We will one day walk in the land of the living with our God (Psalm 116), singing praises of joy!

This past week as I faced some of my own challenges/sufferings, there was a song that kept coming to me in the back of my mind...and I finally remembered what it's called!  I included the video for you. 

 

"I will praise you Lord my God, even in my loneliness, I will praise you Lord" 

If I changed the lyrics for myself, I would add: I will praise you Lord my God, even in this time of waiting, questioning, in moments of doubting your call or not knowing anything at all, I will praise you Lord"

For yourself - how could you finish the phrase?

I end this post with quoting the last stanza of St. Francis' Canticle of the Creatures:

Praise and bless my Lord
and give Him thanks
and serve Him with great humility

Lord Jesus, as we take up our crosses everyday, may we cling to you and look for you in our daily sufferings. May we be able to praise you in any instance.

 May we, as well as our suffering brothers and sisters be consoled by your love, your grace and the Hope you inspire in our hearts.  Amen.

All in All

I recently said to someone, "I think it's time for me to just go 'all in', put my condo on the rental market NOW and trust". Originally I wanted to play it safe and keep it for as long as I needed it, but I felt a new resolve to let go of the old and be ready for the new. It goes back to my previous blog post "Ready, Set, Jump!" where I was reflecting about jumping into this new part of my journey. But is it possible to jump in just a little?? Not in this case!

What other areas in our lives could we holding something back from God? Perhaps our openness, time, talent or treasure? Perhaps our devotion, loyalty or even our true love?

What was it that held the Pharisees back from experiencing and being moved by the true presence of our Lord, even while He was physically in their midst? How could they be so hard of heart, so stuck in their ways that as we see in today's gospel (in Canada: Luke 6.6-11) - they can't even celebrate a miracle of healing that occurred right in front of them! They couldn't feel compassion for the man with a withered hand, only contempt for Jesus because He was breaking the law of "doing work" on the sabbath. It's easy to point our fingers at the Pharisees, but sometimes I think as a society, we can be just like them.

We postulants are reading and reflecting on a book together entitled: "15 Days of Prayer with Saint Francis of Assisi" by Thaddee Matura. The past couple of days we've been invited to reflect on what it means to be pure of heart. Here's what St. Francis has to say:

Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God.

The truly pure of heart are those that gaze from above at the earthly realities, seek heavenly ones, and never cease adoring and seeing the Lord God living and true with a pure heart and spirit (Adm 16) Matura p.92

 

A pure heart is able to look past what is superficial (toils and troubles of the world) and gaze on what is truly important- heavenly things, being thankful and adoring the Lord for all that is good. Perhaps the more our hearts are centered on his Son, the more we would be able to recognize, see and respond to His great love working around us. Perhaps it was a lack of a pure heart that the blinded the Pharisees from truly being open and receiving the grace manifested right in front of them.

What can we do to strive towards a pure heart? Readers, I hope some of you will give your input here :)

I wonder if St. Francis would like this song "You Are My All in All". Gazing on heavenly things, adoring Him, realizing that our true reality is that He is our everything all seem to be found in the lyrics.

"You are my strength when I am weak, you are the treasure I seek, You are my all in all

Seeking you as a precious jewel, Lord to give up I'd be a fool, you are my all in all"

 

Lord, as we journey closer to you each day, grant that we may have pure hearts, that we may see you as our All in All, now and forever more.

 

Peace and Blessings!!!

 

A "Clutter-full" Experience

As Jesus was commissioning the 12 disciples he said “... Do not take gold or silver or copper for your belts; no sack for the journey, or a second tunic, or sandals, or walking stick. The laborer deserves his keep.’ (Matthew 10:10)

And He also said “No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the kingdom of God” (Luke 9:62)

The week prior to entering the Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity as a Postluant, I prepared myself by ‘taking care’ of my office…which held many tasks such as cleaning out a very full filing cabinet, going through a crowded book case and a stack of filing that could not be ignored or simply thrown into the recycle bin (believe me, I was tempted!).  As I took on the tasks one by one I had a lot of time to reflect and time to realize how much stuff I have kept along the way and WHY I still had some of this stuff! 

askglenda.com

I discovered that I really didn’t need my old university papers or projects I was proud of, I don’t need the textbooks I used to learn “how to teach reading” or 20 copies of a Christmas Caroling booklet.  So, if I didn’t need them, why did I still have them?  I think some of it is pride (this paper proves I’m smart, or was), some of it is fear (what if I forget what digraphs and vowels are?) and some of it is just that nagging issue of not being able to let go very easily (I don’t want to forget that moving moment connected to that time we went caroling).

As I sifted, sorted, recycled, shredded and filed I began to feel overwhelmed (especially when I thought about all the other areas of my house that still need this attention) by the burden of material things, the burden of “stuff” but most of all the surprise of a burden of invisible things, things I didn’t realize I was hanging onto.  And I know I’m not alone in this.

For me, it’s not so much the letting go of physical things that causes me to “look back”, but the attachments associated with these things. These are good things, things that seem they should be treasured.  Memories, sentiments of care, love and kindness from loved ones, friends and students, things that are encouraging and have been life giving.  It seems like a paradox to let go of positive things.  But I think that in order for us to move on, we need to empty our vessel once in awhile so our Lord can fill it up with new love, grace and abundance (and part of the emptying is giving thanks before letting go).  

Other things to let go may be longtime grudges, resentments, deep seated anger and disappointments, these things can take up space in our vessel too…in fact, it’s the negative things that erode our vessels from the inside out.  That’s not good!

Sometimes we need a good washing out for our souls.  An examination of conscience to see what areas need cleansing is always good.   I think about the cleansing power of water, of mercy, of God’s forgiveness especially present in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  I think about water washing things away that are not needed anymore, water washing away impurity, leaving us holy and I think about how the Lord said He would cast our sins into the depths of the sea (Micah 7:19).  As we are emptied, I think we can find, like I did in the feelings after cleaning out my office, that in emptiness there can be fullness…

There is something about St. Francis and his vision of Lady Poverty that intrigues me and that I don’t quite understand yet…but I do like this quote: “From his sojourn in the cave, he now knew that this lady was symbolic of the poor Christ, of chastity, of valor and courage, of chivalry and virtue and everything spiritual and fine.  But most of all she was Lady Poverty.  To serve her was all his desire.  Lady Poverty! To serve her was to be rich beyond imagining.  Lady Poverty was THE symbol of the paradoxes of the Gospel: richness in poverty, life in death, strength in weakness, beauty in the sordid and shabby, peace in conflict and in temptation, fullness in emptiness and, above all, love in detachment and deprivation”. (Francis: The Journey and The Dream. Murray Bodo p.11)

Love in detachment and deprivation, richness in poverty.  This cleaning out of my office clearly paralleled for me the cleaning out of one’s soul.  Detaching, deprivation, poverty in spirit, in relationships or in things that give us a sense of security could seem negative – but in the right context, they are beautiful.  It’s necessary to let go, relinquish, surrender, detach all those things that, no matter how good, could at some point become ‘clutter’ and keep us from our true focus, our Lord Jesus Christ.  And if we are to truly ‘take up our cross and follow Him’ I suppose following his footsteps of sacrifice is also something to be embraced and not feared/avoided.

Check out this article to see a picture and read a bit about the Sisters and Postulants I am journeying with:  http://www.fscc-calledtobe.org/living/index.php?p=12289

 

 

 

 

 

Be Transformed!

All rights reserved by Stephen B Whatley

Happy Feast Day of St. Clare!

Like many people out there, I love to journal and in fact need to journal as it helps me express my heart to the Lord.  As I reflected on my entries during the past couple of weeks I’ve noticed a couple of interesting things.  The first is that even though the practical yet complicated circumstances surrounding the beginning of my Postulancy (which begins a week today!) have not changed – I can see that something surrounding me and within me has changed and that is a sense of calm, in both body and spirit. Why? 

At first I was feeling guilty for feeling anxious, as I was worried that perhaps my anxiety reflected a distrust in God.  But I knew with my mind and heart that I have and always will trust Him and that He would never ever forsake me… it’s just that my physical body didn’t seem to get it.  A wise priest friend shared with me that he wasn’t surprised, that we are both flesh and spirit. The flesh is weak and is often opposed to the Spirit.  Knowing this, I felt free and surrendered to the Lord knowing He understood I was doing my best to follow. 

I believe the reason that even my body has been calmed is two-fold.  The first is the prayers of those near and far, I know and can feel the power in this intercessory prayer (and I am deeply grateful for your prayers!). The second is even more powerful than that – it is the Eucharist.  The past two weeks I have had the privilege and time to attend daily mass as well as spend a lot more time in Adoration.  Jesus, present in the Eucharist, is the one who has been able to reach deep down within all parts of my being and calm me, mold me and help me feel at peace while worldly temptations and complications are still swirling around me.  This is the second interesting thing I found myself saying in my journal “Lord, I feel like you are changing me”.

I was glancing through a book of mine: Clare of Assisi: A Heart Full of Love by Ilia Delio, O.S.F. and found this quote: “In Clare’s view, daily gazing on the crucified Spouse ultimately leads to imitation, for when we cling to the crucified Spouse with all our heart we become like the Spouse in love, an image of the Crucified in our own lives” (p.70).   For me, spending time in Adoration has really helped me understand what St. Clare is saying as well as what she writes to her sister Agnes about “be(ing) transformed into the one you love”.  Ilia Delio continues “Be changed- not in little ways but in a big way – the way of being a person.  Let the life of God be your life. Let the face of God be your face.  Become a new incarnation of the Word.  Let Jesus Christ live in you.  You will not change the genetic makeup of who you are but when the power of God’s grace is at work in you, when love seizes your heart, you will express yourself in a new way, the way of love” (p.68).  I can see how this can happen as a result of spending more and more time with the Lord.  I can not express how deeply pleased and excited I am to be living in a community that celebrates Mass everyday and has several chapels with the Lord present in the Tabernacle!

Lord may you shower your powerful grace upon all hearts open to you – may we be your hands and feet, your smiling face and comforting, joyful presence in the lives of those we meet. Help us to crave to be with you in any way we can and thank you for making it possible.  Amen! 

St. Clare of Assisi, pray for us!

Ready...set.......JUMP!!

Wow, jumping off a deck into unknown, deep water is harder than it looks! 

On the first morning of my stay at a friends’ cabin on the Sunshine Coast of B.C., I decided in true “Chelsea fashion” that my first entrance into the lake water, the first of hopefully many swims over the summer and the inauguration of my summer holiday would most fittingly begin with something that pushed me out of my comfort zone.  And what a more perfect way, than to leap off a deck into cold water!  I knew it was safe, I knew I’d be fine and that I’m a strong swimmer…but guess what the hardest part was?  LETTING GO of the deck! (Of course ;)    It’s hard to describe all that went through my mind as I psyched myself up to let go…I knew I was safe and that the Lord would hear my prayer for safety and perhaps  for a little joy from the experience.  After a few false-starts I leaped off asking for Mary’s intercession.  I leaped off trusting that in the falling part I’d be fine, and then the rest was just swimming.  I didn’t even care about the cold water, I wanted and needed something to physically jolt me out of the stress-filled state I’ve been in lately. 

What’s funny is that as I reflected on the experience of jumping; the anxiety of crawling over the railing, the absolute fear I had to talk myself out of, the trusting prayer, the jump and the triumphant feeling as swam back to the dock, I realized that this experience in many ways is parallel to this journey of discovering my vocation and following God’s call.  In short, in August 2011, while travelling on a bus in Spain I heard the Lord ask me “When are you actually going to look into Religious life?”, I was filled with fear but deep down wanted whatever the Lord wanted for me…even if that meant actually looking into Religious life.  I had to trust, I had to let go of certain ideas/plans I thought I had in my near and far future, and I began to take baby steps.  Where does the leaping part come in? Perhaps it was when I finished my application and interview to be a Postulant. But I also think it will be when I board the plane to the USA, trusting that the Lord will help me with this “falling” portion of the journey, falling from my old life /ways into something new.  I know I’m safe and looked after, the “landing” will be great and even though I don’t know what it will look or feel like: the triumphant swim “back to the dock” and into my Saviour’s arms in the midst of the Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity, will truly be the greatest reward.  And then I’ll get out of the water, dry myself off and get ready for the next adventure and challenge the Lord has awaiting me...I have a feeling this is only the beginning!  :)

Dear Jesus, please help us to trust you completely.  Like a little child without a care in the world, may we never forget how it feels to be wrapped in your loving arms.
As we strive to take up our cross each day and follow you, may we be strengthened to do all you need us to do (even if it means jumping into the unknown!). May we grow ever closer to you in love each day. Amen!

Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

Good vs Evil, Stubbornness, Building your house on sand as opposed to rock - all themes found in this classic story.

I just HAD to share this lighthearted video with you...maybe sharing this catchy little tune will release it from "perpetual repeat" in my head ;)

I haven't posted anything in awhile...life has been too crazy.  The season of “letting go” is now in full force and I’ve entered a lovely time of transition – not always the easiest time but the Lord is with me.

The countdown is on until I leave for the Holy Family Convent in WI - 7 weeks!!

Seriously, did you just laugh?

**Have you subscribed to this blog? Try reading the article from the blog itself by clicking on the link in the email you’ve been sent…you’ll have access to a nicer looking format and any announcements/pictures I have put up. **

Have you ever laughed at something not because it was funny, but because it surprised or shocked you?   A friend of mine made an honest remark that when he first heard the opening line to my song “Contradiction?” he laughed.  Why??  Because it seems so crazy to tell someone you love them and yet hate them, it’s a contradiction.  If you hate them, then you clearly don’t love them.  Is that “black and white” statement true, always true, sometimes true….?

Ask anyone who knows me (including my students) and they’ll probably have to think really hard to remember a time when I actually used the word “hate”, even in a casual way.  Like I tell my students, ‘it’s a strong word’ and I don’t want to harbor ‘hate’ towards anything, that’s the kind of thing that eats at a persons’ soul, even if you’re talking about a brand of toothpaste or especially if you’re talking about another child of God.  I used this line because it is the clearest example of opposites that I relate to on an emotional level.   When I hear the opening line to my song: “I love you and I hate you”, it still jars me at some level. 

                Many people like this song, but can’t really identify why.  I personally think on some level it’s an outlet for feeling some angst or melancholy and some people are drawn to that.  But the reason I like it is because it outlines a struggle that I have and probably will always have until I’m older and wiser – this idea of thinking of things in “absolutes” or “black or white”.  When we think this way we often are 1) limiting ourselves to endless possibilities and 2) we’re tending to think that if things are not “black” or not “white” then something must be wrong.  This is what I mean when I say “Here I stand with each foot in different lands, fighting with myself to be on only one side”.  When we force ourselves into 2 options, it doesn’t leave much room for the Holy Spirit to be creative does it?

                What I have learned though and what I hope I illustrated in my song is that it’s okay to be a little bit black, a little bit white.  There’s nothing wrong as the Holy Spirit works within everything, no matter where our feet are standing.  There’s no need to always fit into just one category – especially when it comes to feelings and emotions. All things work together for the good of those who love Him, right? (Romans 8:28)  My hope with this song is that people will see that even if things don’t seem great or clear, it will be okay, it’s working out.  Being open to other options and accepting that something is not purely good or purely bad is really important and freeing.   

                When I think about my “vocation” – I am not happily standing in one “land” and may never be until the day that my deepest longing has been fulfilled: to be in God’s “land”, in the presence of God, face to face.  I think that even people who have made their choice for their vocation, would tell you that sometimes they may have a little toe in a land that they didn’t choose, if only for a moment in their thoughts.  Is that wrong? I don’t think so, God works with us no matter where we’re at.   But don’t get me wrong: there are things like loyalty, integrity and fidelity that are important to adhere to once a vow has been made.  But our God is merciful, beyond our understanding. I guess the point is that no matter where you are at - in the black, white or many shades of grey in between, God’s love and never ending mercy is surrounding us, supporting us and working with us as we journey these waters that appear so “contradictory” to us.

Wow, I really feel like I’ve been talking too much in this blog entry!  Unfortunately this topic is not “cut and dry” or “black and white” and requires a little fleshing out. ;)

  Peace and Blessings to you, enjoy the poem below!

               

               

There’s Two Sides to Everything
C. Marshall, June 2011

I love you and I hate you

It’s good, but it’s sad

It’s over but a new beginning

I’m sad but should be glad

I’m flying high, but am depressed

Am disappointed, but filled with hope

What feels good is not what’s best

And what’s best can feel like a joke

          I’m not sure what to do with you

          The source of my pleasure and pain

          The one who can make me smile or cry

          You raise me up, then tear me down

          You let me in, then shut me out

          Lord God, help me figure this one out!

Here I stand with each foot in different lands

Fighting with myself to be one only one side

I’m not sure what to do with you

Where do we go next?

If we were not meant to walk in this way

Tell me dear, explain to me, how are we to walk?

To this place where you feel fine but I am just used as a friend?

To a place where I give you what you want, but receive little in return?

I’m not sure what to do with you

The source of my pleasure and pain

The one who can make me smile or cry

You raise me up, then tear me down

You let me in, then shut me out

Lord God, help me figure this one out

Why does this have to be so complicated?

But here’s the truth, there’s nothing we did wrong

For the will of God is within both sides

The good and the bad, the love and the anger, the loneliness and joy

The emptiness and fulfillment

The will of God is within it all

It’s within it all