As Jesus was commissioning
the 12 disciples he said “... Do not take gold or silver or copper for your
belts; no sack for the journey, or a second tunic, or sandals, or
walking stick. The laborer deserves his keep.’ (Matthew 10:10)
And He also said “No one who sets a
hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the kingdom of
God” (Luke 9:62)
The
week prior to entering the Franciscan
Sisters of Christian Charity as a Postluant, I prepared myself by ‘taking
care’ of my office…which held many tasks such as cleaning out a very full
filing cabinet, going through a crowded book case and a stack of filing that
could not be ignored or simply thrown into the recycle bin (believe me, I was
tempted!). As I took on the tasks one by
one I had a lot of time to reflect and time to realize how much stuff I have kept along the way and WHY
I still had some of this stuff!
askglenda.com |
I
discovered that I really didn’t need my old university papers or projects I was
proud of, I don’t need the textbooks I used to learn “how to teach reading” or
20 copies of a Christmas Caroling booklet.
So, if I didn’t need them, why did I still have them? I think some of it is pride (this paper
proves I’m smart, or was), some of it is fear (what if I forget what digraphs
and vowels are?) and some of it is just that nagging issue of not being able to
let
go very easily
(I don’t want to forget that moving moment connected to that time we went caroling).
As
I sifted, sorted, recycled, shredded and filed I began to feel overwhelmed (especially
when I thought about all the other areas of my house that still need this
attention) by the burden of material things, the burden of “stuff” but most of
all the surprise of a burden of invisible
things, things I didn’t realize I was hanging onto. And I know I’m not alone in this.
For
me, it’s not so much the letting go of physical things that causes me to “look
back”, but the attachments associated with these things. These are good things,
things that seem they should be treasured.
Memories, sentiments of care, love and kindness from loved ones, friends
and students, things that are encouraging and have been life giving. It seems like a paradox to let go of positive
things. But I think that in order for us
to move on, we need to empty our vessel once in awhile so our Lord can fill it
up with new love, grace and abundance (and part of the emptying is giving
thanks before letting go).
Other
things to let go may be longtime grudges, resentments, deep seated anger and
disappointments, these things can take up space in our vessel too…in fact, it’s
the negative things that erode our vessels from the inside out. That’s not good!
Sometimes
we need a good washing out for our souls.
An examination
of conscience to see what areas need cleansing is always good. I think about the cleansing power of water,
of mercy, of God’s forgiveness especially present in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I think about water washing things away that
are not needed anymore, water washing away impurity, leaving us holy and I
think about how the Lord said He would cast our sins into the depths of the sea
(Micah 7:19). As we are emptied, I think
we can find, like I did in the feelings after cleaning out my office, that in emptiness there can be fullness…
There is something about St.
Francis and his vision of Lady Poverty that intrigues me and that I don’t quite
understand yet…but I do like this quote: “From his sojourn in the cave, he now
knew that this lady was symbolic of the poor Christ, of chastity, of valor and
courage, of chivalry and virtue and everything spiritual and fine. But most of all she was Lady Poverty. To serve her was all his desire. Lady Poverty! To serve her was to be rich beyond
imagining. Lady Poverty was THE symbol of the paradoxes of the Gospel:
richness in poverty, life in death, strength in weakness, beauty in the sordid
and shabby, peace in conflict and in temptation, fullness in emptiness and, above all, love in detachment and
deprivation”. (Francis: The Journey and The Dream. Murray Bodo
p.11)
Love
in detachment and deprivation, richness in poverty. This cleaning out of my office clearly
paralleled for me the cleaning out of one’s soul. Detaching, deprivation, poverty in spirit, in
relationships or in things that give us a sense of security could seem negative
– but in the right context, they are beautiful.
It’s necessary to let go, relinquish, surrender, detach all those things
that, no matter how good, could at some point become ‘clutter’ and keep us from
our true focus, our Lord Jesus Christ. And if we are to truly ‘take up our cross and
follow Him’ I suppose following his footsteps of sacrifice is also something to
be embraced and not feared/avoided.
Check out this article to see a picture and read a bit about the Sisters and Postulants I am journeying with: http://www.fscc-calledtobe.org/living/index.php?p=12289
Chelsea, I really liked your correlation of this Sunday's Gospel and Lady Poverty. You reminded us so appropriately of Francis' desire to be free to love. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome, I wish to learn more and more about this.
DeleteChelsea,
ReplyDeleteHow refreshing to hear of your contemplative approach to letting go and holding the tension of the Gospel: poverty/riches,resentments and grudges/forgiveness and freedom. Thank you for sharing your "inner" journey as well as choosing to journey with us, Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity.
Thank YOU :) I like your phrase "tension of the Gospel"... :)
DeleteThanks so much for such ardent insights into your journey Chelsea! It is God's grace that enables us to discover that when we "let go" we are freed to be embraced more by His love! Prayers surround you!
ReplyDeleteSister Mary Ann
Thanks for your encouragement Sister Mary Ann :)
DeleteGreat post Chelsea! I myself have issues with holding on to papers or to music and letters that are just sitting in boxes and on shelves.Very occasionally I will take out stuff and look at it and listen to it just to let the nostalgia take over, it can be a very comforting and powerful feeling and does at times seem to restore and even heal especially in times when going through some kind of trauma or hopelessness.
ReplyDeletePerhaps the reason for keeping these things is a kind of false hope that it represents or that by having them it proves we have some kind of worth to others and that we matter. Of course this is not the kind of hope that we can rely on and not the kind of reassurance in faith that we truly need , if it's not rooted in God it's likely a distraction and is holding us back from truly moving forward with Christ on the journey he has in store for us.To clean up all the garbage, It all comes back to the blessed sacrament and confession, he cleans out the clutter one piece of paper at a time.
Yes!
DeleteChelsea,
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful reflection on what can be a daunting, discouraging and depressing task! When I can do some downsizing--it's lifegiving! The load is lighter and the reflection on needs and wants is always healthy! Thanks for bringing it to mind!
Sister Kathleen
No problem Sister, I'm reminded that this time of "downsizing" is not a one-time deal...it will keep coming around :)
DeleteSo very true, Chelsea! Thanks for a great post.
ReplyDelete