Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

Good vs Evil, Stubbornness, Building your house on sand as opposed to rock - all themes found in this classic story.

I just HAD to share this lighthearted video with you...maybe sharing this catchy little tune will release it from "perpetual repeat" in my head ;)

I haven't posted anything in awhile...life has been too crazy.  The season of “letting go” is now in full force and I’ve entered a lovely time of transition – not always the easiest time but the Lord is with me.

The countdown is on until I leave for the Holy Family Convent in WI - 7 weeks!!

Seriously, did you just laugh?

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Have you ever laughed at something not because it was funny, but because it surprised or shocked you?   A friend of mine made an honest remark that when he first heard the opening line to my song “Contradiction?” he laughed.  Why??  Because it seems so crazy to tell someone you love them and yet hate them, it’s a contradiction.  If you hate them, then you clearly don’t love them.  Is that “black and white” statement true, always true, sometimes true….?

Ask anyone who knows me (including my students) and they’ll probably have to think really hard to remember a time when I actually used the word “hate”, even in a casual way.  Like I tell my students, ‘it’s a strong word’ and I don’t want to harbor ‘hate’ towards anything, that’s the kind of thing that eats at a persons’ soul, even if you’re talking about a brand of toothpaste or especially if you’re talking about another child of God.  I used this line because it is the clearest example of opposites that I relate to on an emotional level.   When I hear the opening line to my song: “I love you and I hate you”, it still jars me at some level. 

                Many people like this song, but can’t really identify why.  I personally think on some level it’s an outlet for feeling some angst or melancholy and some people are drawn to that.  But the reason I like it is because it outlines a struggle that I have and probably will always have until I’m older and wiser – this idea of thinking of things in “absolutes” or “black or white”.  When we think this way we often are 1) limiting ourselves to endless possibilities and 2) we’re tending to think that if things are not “black” or not “white” then something must be wrong.  This is what I mean when I say “Here I stand with each foot in different lands, fighting with myself to be on only one side”.  When we force ourselves into 2 options, it doesn’t leave much room for the Holy Spirit to be creative does it?

                What I have learned though and what I hope I illustrated in my song is that it’s okay to be a little bit black, a little bit white.  There’s nothing wrong as the Holy Spirit works within everything, no matter where our feet are standing.  There’s no need to always fit into just one category – especially when it comes to feelings and emotions. All things work together for the good of those who love Him, right? (Romans 8:28)  My hope with this song is that people will see that even if things don’t seem great or clear, it will be okay, it’s working out.  Being open to other options and accepting that something is not purely good or purely bad is really important and freeing.   

                When I think about my “vocation” – I am not happily standing in one “land” and may never be until the day that my deepest longing has been fulfilled: to be in God’s “land”, in the presence of God, face to face.  I think that even people who have made their choice for their vocation, would tell you that sometimes they may have a little toe in a land that they didn’t choose, if only for a moment in their thoughts.  Is that wrong? I don’t think so, God works with us no matter where we’re at.   But don’t get me wrong: there are things like loyalty, integrity and fidelity that are important to adhere to once a vow has been made.  But our God is merciful, beyond our understanding. I guess the point is that no matter where you are at - in the black, white or many shades of grey in between, God’s love and never ending mercy is surrounding us, supporting us and working with us as we journey these waters that appear so “contradictory” to us.

Wow, I really feel like I’ve been talking too much in this blog entry!  Unfortunately this topic is not “cut and dry” or “black and white” and requires a little fleshing out. ;)

  Peace and Blessings to you, enjoy the poem below!

               

               

There’s Two Sides to Everything
C. Marshall, June 2011

I love you and I hate you

It’s good, but it’s sad

It’s over but a new beginning

I’m sad but should be glad

I’m flying high, but am depressed

Am disappointed, but filled with hope

What feels good is not what’s best

And what’s best can feel like a joke

          I’m not sure what to do with you

          The source of my pleasure and pain

          The one who can make me smile or cry

          You raise me up, then tear me down

          You let me in, then shut me out

          Lord God, help me figure this one out!

Here I stand with each foot in different lands

Fighting with myself to be one only one side

I’m not sure what to do with you

Where do we go next?

If we were not meant to walk in this way

Tell me dear, explain to me, how are we to walk?

To this place where you feel fine but I am just used as a friend?

To a place where I give you what you want, but receive little in return?

I’m not sure what to do with you

The source of my pleasure and pain

The one who can make me smile or cry

You raise me up, then tear me down

You let me in, then shut me out

Lord God, help me figure this one out

Why does this have to be so complicated?

But here’s the truth, there’s nothing we did wrong

For the will of God is within both sides

The good and the bad, the love and the anger, the loneliness and joy

The emptiness and fulfillment

The will of God is within it all

It’s within it all

Success!!

There were a few moments this week when I had to entertain the idea that it wasn't going to happen...

After fighting off a sinus infection for awhile, Monday night, my voice was affected and Tuesday I couldn't even speak, I could hardly whisper let alone hum a tune! After seeing my Naturopathic doctor and two days of rest at home, I still couldn't sing and my speaking voice was so weak.  I resigned myself to the Lord and started asking for acceptance of His will because I knew that if I had to cancel my CD Release Party I would be so disappointed (and not just me, many others too!).  If He didn't want me to sing June 2, 2012 at Caffe Crema, then my voice wouldn't be back...and I'd have to reschedule everything...but I decided to trust, thing were going to work out in the way that they are meant to.

 I'm so extremely happy and pleased to say that the Lord blessed me so greatly and I thank our Mother Mary for her intercession too.  I recieved many graces this week, from celebrating the Sacrament of the Sick, being able to attend daily mass, the prayers and support given to me from those around me in spirit, and even the little bottle of  holy water I brought home from Lourdes reminded me of the Power of God.  I was able to sing, and it even seemed that as the concert went on, my voice got stronger.

As much as I don't like to miss work, I did enjoy the time last week spent in prayer, especially near the creek.  While lying on the earth, listening to the water rush by I felt so blessed and held in the loving arms of Jesus.  I felt like He was trying to pull me away from the busyness to not just heal my body but prepare my spirit to give what I needed to in the days to come. Not only was I about to share a deep part of myself with the community by sharing my thoughts, reflections and music on my CD, I'd be hosting an event where I wanted to be able to connect with people in a meaningful way.  What's funny is that this opportunity gave me some new energy I wasn't expecting and I have a feeling that the Lord wasn't just preparing me for the concert on Saturday...He was preparing me for some challenges I have up ahead in the next few weeks of June (report cards, year-end at work, saying good byes....). 

Another funny thing is that I was called upon this morning to serve as the piano player for Mass today an hour before it was to begin...normally playing piano is something that I can do but don't prefer to because even when I have practiced prior to the mass I still find it quite stressful.  Today I was still stressed, but not in a negative way...I knew it was something I was called to do and that Jesus would help me.  And I think I've figured out by now that the Lord gives me things in small manageable pieces, He's not going to ask me to do something He knows I'm not capable of doing.

Well, I think that's it for todays' entry...I just wanted to share my jubilation in PRAYERS ANSWERED and I'll be everthankful to those who show me the Lord's love by walking with me along the way.

PEACE and all things wonderful!

PS: If you want a CD, please contact me at chelmar325@gmail.com

If you want to buy it online - you'll find it at iTunes or http://cdbaby.com/cd/chelseamarshall